It will never go away... But you can get better at overcoming the crippling effect for imposter syndrome!
You'll like this episode if:
- If you've ever abandoned the project because you didn't feel good enough, because you didn't feel like a real expert, or because you didn't feel quite there yet,
- If you ever didn't apply for a job because one line item didn't apply to you.
- If you've ever been frustrated by seeing a fake guru succeed.
- Or if you've simply been working on that book, that online course that website that new offer since forever.
Sounds familiar? Then listen to the episode!
I think I'm about to throw up,
I can still go back,
I can still not tell anyone about the podcast and just pretend like I didn't really want to do it.
If you've ever abandoned the project because you didn't feel good enough, because you didn't feel like a real expert, or because you didn't feel quite there yet, if you ever didn't apply for a job because one line item didn't apply to you, if you've ever been frustrated by seeing a fake guru succeed, or if you've simply been working on that book, that online course that website that new offer since forever, then keep on listening.
Hi there, I'm Hanne, host of the well balanced to success podcast. In this weekly podcast, we explore how you can have it all how you can have a successful career, an active social life, a thriving love and family life, all of that while being healthy and happy. Now if that sounds like something you would like, then keep on listening. This episode is as much a reminder for me as I hope it will be a help for you. Because we've all been there the dreaded imposter syndrome there to protect you from, from what exactly from public embarrassment which will make you never find a mate, which will make you die alone. And which will make you be cast out by the tribe. Right? That's exactly what's going to happen. Or at least that's what your crazy mind is telling you. Because we are just applying a fight or flight mode, but completely on the wrong time and for the wrong reasons. Now, I'm not here or in this episode, I don't want to talk about why it happens. Or yet how its evolutionary and blah, blah, blah, what I want to talk about is three steps that you can take to actually get over the imposter syndrome, or at least do what you really set out to do and do what you really care about, even though the imposter syndrome is that because Step one is to actually accept that it will always be there. Now, I've learned this the hard way, like for the podcast, starting this podcast was so uncomfortable. And I can't tell you the number of times that I wanted to abandon that I just didn't want to start the podcast that I found excuses not to do it. And so on. Each time that I do public speaking, I wonder why I got myself into that situation. Why did I apply to be a speaker for this, but even each time that I published a blog post and the truth is, like I've published so many blog posts MLF. And still, each time I wonder whether it's going to be helpful, whether it's good enough whether people will, will will find it useful, and so on. So the truth is, it just never goes away. As soon as you're doing something as you're doing something meaningful. As you're putting yourself out there, you are going to run into this imposter syndrome. Now, the good news is, it does get better over time. So while for the first blog post, I actually felt sick to my stomach and I refreshed 100 times to see all the nasty comments that were gonna come in today, I just have a little feeling of like, is this good enough? Is this gonna be helpful in them? Like, yeah, it's gonna be helpful. And so I get over it much quicker. But it's just something that if you accept that it's gonna be there, then it will also be much easier because you're going to actually anticipate this happening, you know that you will hit this wall at some point. And you can just be like, Oh, there we go. That's imposter syndrome talking. So this is step number two, you don't actually have to listen. You can just say, thank you for sharing this with me, I got this, don't worry, I got this, I can actually do this. So one of the books that I've recently read, it's called the happiness trap. And it actually it is not about imposter syndrome. It's, it's about that little voice in your head that just keeps jabbing and Devin and Devin on. And if you want to learn more about that I highly recommend reading the book because it's really, really good. But one of the things that does hit home with me was the moment that he described that the reason that those thoughts become important is because you actually buy into them. If you start believing that you're not good enough that you're not an expert, that you shouldn't be teaching something that whatever it is that you Want to do right that your voice is horrible, and nobody will listen to the podcast? Then you start actually believing these ideas, and you give them much more power than they should have. Because other ideas and other thoughts, you will just not believe them. And so the way that he demonstrates this in the book is he asks you to first think about like, your favorite self, self flagellation, as saying, so your favorite way of hurting yourself. So if it's your imposter syndrome, talking them probably is something I'm not good enough. I'm not an expert, like things like that. So you pick the one that you truly find difficult, right? And you sit with it, and you're like, Okay, so I'm not an expert. Okay? How does that feel it feels crappy, it feels. And then he actually asks you to think about the following phrase, I am a banana. And, for me, it was just when I read that, I think I actually laughed out loud, because it was just so funny. Like, I'm a banana. And it's the exact same thoughts as I'm not an expert, right. And it doesn't really matter whether it's true or not true. Like for the banana, you're not all the sudden gonna fuse with that idea, you're not all the sudden gonna believe that you're a banana. So that's why my, my new mantra is when I hear thoughts in my head, and I'm just like, I'm a banana. And so it reminds me of the fact that you don't actually have to listen to those thoughts in your head. Now, if you find that difficult, and if you're like, Yeah, but it's true, I am not an expert, or I am not the best at this yet. Or whatever excuse it is that you're going to find not to do the work that you set out to do. And the truth is, so like, that's let's just look at this very pragmatically. Nobody cares about you. And I know it sounds a bit harsh, and don't worry, I really do care about you. But when when you put something out there, like people don't actually care about you, when when you are so nervous about that first video that you're gonna publish. First of all, probably when you just start out, you will have very little visitors like Not a lot of people are actually going to see the that first video, that's also what I told myself, like with the podcast episodes, hopefully, the more episodes I do, the more people will listen. But the first episode is gonna be what a couple of people listening to it, it's not not super important, right? Like, you can make it less of a big deal. Now, sometimes, certain things are a big deal. So you, you have this public speaking thing, and they will be 300 500, whatever amount of people in the audience, so you can't use that of like, Oh, it's just starting out, people won't listen to me. So what you can then do is realize that people actually only want to have a good result. So whether that's your stand up comedian, and so the result is that they want to laugh or whether it's more informative speaking, and there's results that they learn something, or no matter what it is, like they are looking for a certain result to get from this interaction with you. Now, it's also true that you cannot control that results. You can be the best teacher in the world, some people do not need to learn what you are going to share. And so they will never be happy. Now the thing is that says nothing about you as a teacher. So accepting that whatever you do, it's not for everyone. Whatever you do, some people are never going to be happy with it. You can't please everyone. And that also takes the pressure off of it quite a bit, at least for me. Now. No, this there was this really fun campaign about bad reviews because believe it or not, people leave bad reviews about amazing monuments and buildings and national parks like people actually leave negative reviews about that. Can you believe that the Eiffel Tower gets bad reviews. So if you are afraid that somebody will not like your video or will not like your blog post, it will not like your online course or will not like the idea that you put forward that work or wellness or whatever it is that that scares you right now. Think about this. The Eiffel Tower gets bad reviews. So why why wouldn't you get Some bad reviews right? And then to say it in the words of data from tees, you can be the juiciest, ripest peach in the world, some people do not like peaches. Okay, so all of that to say, you will never be able to please everyone. And that is just like the rational part. And I know that that is not going to help you and get get completely over that imposter syndrome, because like I said, Well you will have to do is basically just ignore that voice. But at least it can help you to like calm that voice a little bit or just rationalize. And it can help you take the next step. Because the next step to get over imposter syndrome is actually trick yourself into ignoring the voice. So this is one of my favorite techniques. And I've used it over and over and over again. And I've used it in so many different ways. So I will share a couple of them with you. But the whole idea is that you basically make it more embarrassing to fail or to not do what you set out to do rather than the thing you're actually really afraid of. So an example of that is with the podcast. So like I said, I was actually having massive impostor syndrome issues with publishing this podcast and with putting myself out there. And so I decided that I was going to build the website of the podcast publicly. And at that point, I couldn't act as if the podcast didn't exist, because people would actually see me talk about it and see me build the website. So that was my little hack to get over that impostor syndrome. Now, another way that I use this trick to like get over it, is, when when you're doing an online course, and you will have to sell something, it's basically us sell it before this ready, and then you promise people that you are going to deliver. So at that point, you can't take it out anymore, you actually have to deliver it. So those are like my favorite ways of making sure that you, you have to do it anyways. So it can be Yeah, applying for that for that speaker gig, and then you get accepted. And so you kind of have to do it. And applying for a speaker gig, it's not that scary. It's the speaking, that's scary. So doing the action that's not that scary, which is sending the invite, or like asking whether they're looking for speakers, and then tricking yourself into actually having to do it. And it's for me just a really good way of getting over that imposter syndrome and learning that you shouldn't be listening to that voice in your head. Now, I've also talked in another episode about creativity and how having a creative outlet actually helps you being aware about this self talk, and helps you having that practice of getting over it. Because I truly believe that this is just reps, like, the more reps we can get in, the easier it will become. So I hope this was helpful for you. Like I said, this is this is something that I do not feel like I got over it, because I do not believe that you can completely get over it. But it is something that least does not hold me back anymore to do the projects that I really want to do that I really care about. And that is what I hope that it will do for you to using these three steps. So first of all, just accepting that it's there and even knowing that it's gonna come up, if you haven't felt it yet just anticipating and just being like, okay, When am I going to hit this wall, then secondly, just be like, Hey, thank you. But I got this, like I'm gonna take over from now you can keep chatting in the background. But I'm not old, I can do this. And then the third way in order to say like I got this, trick yourself, trick yourself into actually doing the thing that you set out to do. So now I want to hear from you come to the well balanced success.com websites and tell me what what are you doing when you hear this voice on a project that you were never able to finish? Because of this? Do you realize that that is what is really holding you back? Or are you using the perfectionism excuse to not actually doing it? I would love to hear from you. I'm always interested in knowing other methods and other ways that people deal with this. So come on over to the website and let's have a conversation. Now as always, thank you for listening and talk soon.
What are you doing when you hear this voice? Did you have projects you were never able to finish because of this? Do you realize that that is what is really holding you back? Or are you using the perfectionism excuse to not actually doing it?
I would love to hear from you. I'm always interested in knowing other methods and other ways that people deal with this.
So let's have a conversation.
As always, thank you for listening and talk soon.